In Hindsight

So a year ago around this time, I wrote an essay that I wanted to post here, but I decided against it.
And now, I think I actually will, because I think it's really important to.

Most of the essay is me expressing really depressing thoughts. This is the ending of the essay:
"My main reason for writing this is to say that I'm exhausted. 
I'm tired of being told I'm not good enough. I'm fed-up of not being recognized. I'm sad about not being good enough for myself. I'm disappointed that I rank myself according to what others see and think of me. I'm sick of the fact that my professors still don't know my name and it's a month into the semester. I'm sad that I work so hard with things I never seem to achieve and understand. I'm ashamed that I spend so much time striving for some sort of fulfillment that will never seem to happen. 
Most of all, I'm finding it really hard to be positive and push on when I haven't felt any sort of achievement for such a long time. I feel discouraged by all these replies from talks and jobs and competitions. It'd probably be easier to stop trying and it would certainly hurt less.
For the time-being though, I will push on. I'll try to be strong, but it's just so soul-crushing when there isn't anything along the way to really give that boost to keep on going."

After writing this essay, I felt even more determined to make things work. By writing it out, I'd realized I'd written the answers that I needed: I have to do things for myself, and I have to do what makes me happy.

Since then, I've been doing things for myself, and rewards have been coming to me without me even expecting them.

Every now and then I have to remind myself to be patient and refocus my energy. This is another one of those times.

It all seems pretty obvious, but we do need to be reminded every so often.

Do it for yourself,

-Deena

Animation Collaborative

This summer was amazing. I attended this 2 week intensive workshop taught by Michal Makarewicz of Pixar. He opened up his own school called The Animation Collaborative. If anyone's interested in having anything to do with any part of the pipeline in animation, I'd highly encourage you to attend any of the workshops they offer at the AnimC. I attended the 2-week intensive demo and lecture on 3D animation. It was such an amazing experience, and I got to meet so many people, from all sorts of backgrounds and ages, who are incredibly passionate about learning and chasing their dreams. My teacher Mike was the most enthusiastic and encouraging teacher I have ever met in my life. His dedication and motivation just radiates off of him and inspires you. It was impossible feeling intimidated while I was there, I could only feel inspired by the people that surrounded me.

This was a cafe we'd hang out at after our evening class. 

It's about a two-block walk from the school. 

They have the best pancakes in the world.

It was also 2 blocks away from our hotel, Extended Stay.

We'd draw each other a lot (or mostly James would).

The lobby of the school is open for pretty much anything. 

A few improv sessions would happen before class.

Pizza during the class break.

Couches in the lobby.

We'd hang out on our laptops and animate things.

In the 'classroom'.

It was set up like a room in animation dailies.

We'd get to ask questions and add comments at any time during

the lectures or demos. It's such an open environment for learning.

The comfy couches we got to sit on (and sometimes fall asleep on).

Out by the kitchen was this huge map.

Students from all over the world!

Art up on the walls all over the school. 

There were three classrooms with alternating teachers

depending on the day of the week.

Oh, and the AnimC is RIGHT across the road from Pixar!

So many starstruck moments would happen when I saw some 

of my biggest idols driving out of the gates.

Such a mindblowing experience.

-Deena

Architecture Sketching

Began a new project to study classical architecture in the UAE. So I won't be making all the videos that I had planned to, but I think it's for the better. Just had to reorganize my priorities I guess.

Here are some sketches from yesterday. Megan and I have been learning how to draw using different techniques, and we messed around a bit with perspective. She learned stuff in 10 minutes 'cause she's such a fast learner, and grasped concepts that took me full semesters to understand.

Then we went to the mall and got some coffee after we studied some more buildings.

Came up with a challenge to draw each other while simultaneously using both hands.

The results:

Basically have five more days before I'm off to Iowa.

More sketching to be done,

-Deena

Beach Sketching!

My favorite subjects were voluptuous women who weren't afraid to wear itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikinis.

More summer,

-Deena

Productivity Ensues!

So I'm really hoping that the upcoming week(s) will be as productive as possible!
I've got some shoots lined up, and hopefullyyy, I shall execute before I leave on the 25th of this month.

Just a little list of what should be in store:
-A food photoshoot (What?! That's too awesome!)
-A cooking video
-A dance video
-A singing video
-A central Asian photoshoot

Ok, now I've realized I might not be able to do all of this in just 12 days, but maybe I'll get the shooting done and edit over my stay in Iowa.
I'll have to get organized.

For the past few days, I've been reworking my sketching style. I've realized that I spend way too much time sitting there trying to improve the quality of the drawing rather than fleshing all my ideas out and getting gestures down. I should be able to post some new sketches tomorrow.

Go out there and make something,

-Deena

001

Right... so I suck at this posting on a blog thing... 

I'm more of a tumblr person. It's a very, very bad addiction. I literally bursted with joy when I found out that tumblr wasn't blocked like Facebook and Twitter. But I must not slack off..

Internship is productive but boring and gives me allergies : /

It's hard trying to balance between what they want and what I think they should want. I'll just need to do more convincing and impressing. 

Other than that I learnt some pretty fancy stuff. woohoo

I also updated my Behance with some of my work, so check it out.

For now I'm spending my summer with Willi Kunz, but I must read less and practice more!

ffffffff

just messing around with letters.

Frustrated

All my internships ended last week... I think the sudden change from being extremely busy to all-of-a-sudden-not-busy-at-all has gotten me down. 

Yep, been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to explain it but I really can't.

Woke up this morning and wanted to storyboard a dream I had, but I just couldn't do it.

Wanted to make a feeling painting for it at least, but I don't know what direction this is going in.

Here's the WIP:

It's this hooker from my dream who was kinda masculine and underweight and wouldn't stop smoking.

I've no idea why I had this dream.

Just one of those days when you can't be constructive at all...

-Deena