Friday, May 11, 2012

Those Mornings

I've been having a lot of those days recently. The kind where I notice I'm awake, and I open my eyes to see a brightly lit ceiling, and I wonder if I even fell asleep. And then I take the covers off, and sit up and put my feet on the floor and just sit on the edge for a while. And I just think, and think, and I wonder what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. I always feel like I should call it a day already, and just go back to sleep. But I always force myself to get up and be productive, but most of the time, I return to my bed at the end of the day, and I feel so unproductive. And then I promise myself I'll try to make things better tomorrow.

This morning was different. I couldn't force myself to be productive, so I came back to bed and curled up with my laptop. I just wanted a half hour to myself.

Earlier last month, Naima, Samar and I submitted our documentary on Revisiting Tarab to a competition in Dubai. An email from the dean congratulated us on taking the Habib Award of Media Innovation, 2nd place in Documentary.

I got up and got ready, because I felt like that little email gave me all the time that I needed to myself.

I'm pretty sure this is when I realized that maybe it's not the time that I want or need, it's probably the fact that I'm not putting the time into the right things, the things that I want, and I need to change that.

I should be making more films, and you should be doing what you want to do.

Go do it right now,
-Deena

PS. I still haven't gotten over the shock that our first documentary ever won an award. It's really funny to think that we made that for a class project, and our professor gave us a C for it. That was entirely discouraging, and this award just juxtaposes that grade right out of my mind.

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